mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize