this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
