you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
