It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
