In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
