Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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