She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
