A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
