Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
