I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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