You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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