fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize