We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
