You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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