ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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