watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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