If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
