Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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