Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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