exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
