a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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