we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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