I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
