mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He shit in the fireplace
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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