im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
