I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
