cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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