O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
