He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
