2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mom said you looked used
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
