I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
