i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
