Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
