My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
