Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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