We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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