Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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