i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
