This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
