i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
