Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
