My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
