I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
