my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize