a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
