There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize