never play flip cup with pint glasses
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk is not a location!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
