I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
