so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
