But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
