Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
