At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
