I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
