I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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