were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was a blind-side dick pic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
