He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
