I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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