i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
