Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
