K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
