Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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