I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
