Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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