Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
