R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think my fart just growled at me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
