worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize